Archives For Violence and Abuse

Stop Bullying, Part 3: 3 Ways To Handle Bullying

March 13, 2012 — 6 Comments
"Ken" on "Ministry Minutes" (c) Kendall Lyons, 2012

"Ken" on "Ministry Minutes" (c) Kendall Lyons, 2012

In order to properly continue the discussion of the topic of “Bullying” on Cartoon Daily News this week, I chose to share a message that I preached about a year ago.

It was not too long ago that I had the pleasure of being able to preach at the Oakcliff, Texas Baptist Ministers Union Revival during a weekend Youth Night service. My sermon topic was “How To Handle Your Bullies” and I gave at least three points as I preached out of 1 Samuel 17, the story of David and Goliath. The thoughts from the sermon were as follows:

1.) Know Your Identity

Often times, the one who is bullied will experience a low level of self-esteem and self-respect. Imagine, the kid who might not be the tallest, the smartest, the bravest, the most popular, the most liked and the list goes on. Even the bully is behaving like a “bully” for a reason! Often times its because they may think, without truly realizing it sometimes, that it gives them some kind of edge or power of that person. Bullies have an identity issue themselves too. They often desire respect, but lack the proper way of earning that respect. Those who are bullied, the victim, either responds in fear and desires not to tell anyone except someone they can trust or someone they are close too, or, try and take drastic and seriously consequential measures to deal with the bully themselves.

In 1 Samuel 17, David was just a boy who cared for his father’s sheep, but he knew of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He knew of the God that created all things. He knew of the God that created Him. His family gave him everything needed to have a basic and foundational standing of his identity. This becomes obvious when he later makes his way to the battlefield where his brothers are located and volunteers himself to fight against the giant, Goliath.

Know that God has equipped you with everything you need and that you have the resources to do what is necessary. If you are having issues with a bully, know you have adults and others in authority you can trust who will help with the situation.

Also, keep in mind that you might be a target for bullies simply because you are being exactly who you are supposed to be, YOURSELF! People get jealous. People get angry. People hate! Why, because you refuse to follow what’s popular, cool or trendy to everyone else!

2.) Know Your Purpose

You’re on a mission. Who has time to fight, fuss and argue with people over things that you’ll forget and things that don’t even matter. You were created for a purpose, on purpose! Bullies are, in a way, lacking in purpose and identity and the only way they know how to get what they think they want is to push others around. For those who are being bullied, know that you do not have to be a constant victim. Stand up and speak out! For those of you who have been bullied in the past, this is your chance to stand up and speak out. You may be the one that someone else is needing to hear. Fulfill your purpose in that brief moment of opportunity!

3.) Know The Lord

Certainly you saw this coming…after all, I am a minister! This article would not meet quality standards if I didn’t tell you that in a relationship with Christ, you indeed have victory! The bully and bullied can walk away from confrontation with one another and be at peace, knowing that they were created by a creator that knows them, loves them and wants them to be in a place in life that they have life more abundantly. Stop focusing on the problem, and start focusing on the solution! Hope is not lost!

God has blessed you with the people, the resources and the place to stop bullying, and, for that matter, to stop many things that are happening around you.

Will you speak up!?

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Stop Bullying, Part 2: The Boy Who Was Bullied

March 12, 2012 — 3 Comments
Cartoon Network’s First Original Documentary "Stop Bullying: Speak Up" Premieres Sunday, March 18 at 5:30 p.m. (ET/PT) With an Encore at 8 p.m. (ET, PT). Cartoon Daily News is doing extensive coverage on the topic of "Bullying" and invites all readers to get involved in the discussion as well as be a part of the solution.

Cartoon Network’s First Original Documentary "Stop Bullying: Speak Up" Premieres Sunday, March 18 at 5:30 p.m. (ET/PT) With an Encore at 8 p.m. (ET, PT). Cartoon Daily News is doing extensive coverage on the topic of "Bullying" and invites all readers to get involved in the discussion as well as be a part of the solution.

I was not a very big kid. I was average height. Skinny. My thinking was different. I could’ve cared less about the stuff my classmates and others my age considered “popular.” I was quiet when I was around those my age. I was more vocal with older kids and adults. I wore glasses, had a voice that was a little nasally. I loved to read and I had an over-active imagination. Between 4th grade and 8th grade, I was the perfect target for bullies.

My experience with bullies was so surreal. I was picked on and talked about for what felt like everything: for the way I walked, the way I talked, the words I would say, for just being nice or polite or for just existing. I was laughed at. Guys would insult me, call me out and call me things I will not repeat in this article. Girls would consider me gross. I would walk the hallways of my school, dreading what felt like the walk of shame consisting of whispers, pointing and giggling.

On occasion, I would have that one, or two, kids who would spend half of their day following me around just to try and get my attention by calling me names, picking on me in every way possible. They would attempt to pick fights with me. They would try and do things like push me or shove me around. If they did it long enough, I would snap, and attempt to fight back. I didn’t do this too much as to avoid getting into more trouble. I would tell adults, but, with some adults, it fell on deaf ears. They either didn’t want to deal with it or just didn’t care. Their were some who did respond and react. Thankfully, my Mom and Dad took action and did everything they possibly could, from talking to the school to teaching me self-defense.

I wore regular clothes like any normal kid, I had good hygiene, I was kind, what more did my classmates want!? What made me a target!? In fact, what’s potentially making you a target for bullies!? That’s simple, you’re identity! Being yourself!

One kid in 8th grade was a so-called “popular” kid who constantly talked about the clothes I wore, the way I talked (which was mostly in a way that would be considered ‘proper English’ rather than slang, which I reserved only for closer friends, NOT public use), and the way I walked. One day, he pulled me aside, and tried to “teach” me how to be “cool.” A year later, he was a grade level behind me because he was flunking his classes and skipping school.

These were my bullies: the individuals who lacked real understanding and grasping of their identity. They were fakes. They lacked self-esteem. They were angry people. They lashed out against people like me, people who truly made a conscious effort to be themselves, daring to be different from the rest.

In spite of the bullying I experienced, I didn’t have the desire to do harm to myself and I barely desired to harm anyone else. I did try to defend myself (but only if absolutely necessary), but, bullying now has become more complex. Bullying is not only occurring on the school grounds or play grounds, but, also online. So many are taking deadly measures while others are simply hiding themselves in the shadows, desperately wanting to speak out but afraid of ridicule or being accused of being weak.

So, the question remains, how did I survive a large part of my boyhood with bullies to my left and right? How am I surviving the bullies of my adulthood!? My response to this particular situation was in a sermon I preached about a year ago, with my topic entitled, “How To Handle Your Bullies.” This will be covered in Part 3 of the “Cartoon Daily News” bullying articles.

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